I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
