there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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