I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
