I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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