Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
