We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
