Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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