Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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