Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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