I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
