I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
