My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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