I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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