she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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