can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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