The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
