State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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