I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The uberlube is also flammable
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
