i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
