there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
