i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
