i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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