i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
