Define "chronic" masturbator.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
