my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
