you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
