So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
