Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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