They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
