bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
