that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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