who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
