glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
