So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
