were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
