I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize