Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
