ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
