My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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