The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This couple is walking their pig around campus
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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