u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
