Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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