She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
