my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
