2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
