Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
