What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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