Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
