She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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