whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
