I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
