Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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