it wasn't lemon gatorade
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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