we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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