this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
