Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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