I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
