There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
