3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
