what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
