ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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