YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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