God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
