FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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