i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
