Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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