I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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