I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
