Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
